Wife Not Getting Enough Sex
A wife wants more sex, but her younger husband is satisfied with the current pace. What to do?
BY JONI FRATER AND ESTHER LASTIQUE

DepositPhotos Don't let lack of sex build up resentment, instead open dialogue. “ Our needs may change as we age, as do our bodies and we need to talk about things as they happen.

I am 30 and my husband is 25. We've been married for almost two years. We only have sex about once every week. Although I would like to have it at least twice a week, he feels that once a week is enough. Everything else is great and I couldn't be happier. I've always had this problem in any relationship I've ever been in and am wondering if there's something wrong with me! Do I have an overly active sex drive? Is it possible that he's not attracted to me? Any advice would help.

Thank you so much for this question as it’s not usually the female partner who’s complaining about not having enough sex. So here’s the easy fact. Average couples make love two to three times per week. Therefore, you are not overly sexed and nothing is wrong with you at all! You are 30 and in the prime of your life and should be fully capable of having great sex as often as you want. As for your spouse who’s 25, he should be able to keep up with you, so this asks the question as to why he feels that once a week is enough. How do you overcome the difference?

If you have had this situation in every relationship in the past, think about what drives you to wanting more sex? Is it the connection, the stress relief or just because it feels good? There are no wrong answers, but your spouse needs to ask himself what drives his sexual needs, or does he think that sex isn’t a priority in his life? Then you can compare what inspires you to be sexual.

The Problem Men and Women Face
At 25, men can start to lose their testosterone, which may affect his libido. Stress, diet and lack of physical activity can also lower his sex drive. So, what is holding him back? Maybe a check up with the doctor will answer if he is suffering from Low Testosterone (Low T).

The two-year mark is sometimes a little trying in a relationship as it transitions from the raging lust during the newness of the marriage to the reality of the falling into a "comfort zone." This comfort zone usually means that sex happens less frequently and is often not as big a priority as it is in the beginning. The question about your not being attractive to him seems like an answer to you, but it probably isn’t, so don’t be so hard on yourself!

We always refer back to having a chat about your love life with your spouse in a non-sexual situation. This takes the stress out of the chat so that you can be more open and honest about what is happening between you. Ask him what you can do to get him "turned on" more frequently. Are you the initiator or is he? Maybe you and he can be more open to trying lingerie, role playing, toys, etc. Try different lubes, positions, films or ask him to give you sexual satisfaction even if he isn’t in the mood. Sometimes, watching your partner scream with ecstasy will, in fact, get them in the mood too.

You deserve to have your sexual needs met and sometimes that means taking matters into your own hands. Yes, we are talking about masturbation! Buy a shower massager or a new vibrator and hopefully have your spouse with you while you pleasure yourself—by no means do you have an over-active sex drive… it’s a normal sex drive that’s not being met by your partner—but he can still participate if he wants!

We can spout over 55 medically beneficial reasons that every person should climax every 24-36 hours. Yes, this is scientifically proven! So we find it hard to call anyone overly sexed unless it keeps you from going to work and getting your stuff done. Sexual needs differ from one person to another. Your needs are just higher than his. We have even heard of a couple where the woman wants sex four times a week, or it’s a deal breaker. Now that’s a lot of sex! Personally, we are a little jealous because we can’t figure out how they find the time, but bravo for them!

As a couple, you need to figure out how to have both people’s needs met so you can survive as a couple. Enjoy your sexual time together while you don’t have kids running around. That is a major change in the relationship since you have to figure out how to make time for sex in between doing things as a family. You need to stay physically connected even during pregnancy to make sure that your sex life doesn’t lose its importance in your relationship.

As women, we were never taught that it is ok to talk to your spouse about what you need and expect in terms of sexual fulfillment, which is very sad since this type of intimacy is needed in order for both people to feel they are on the same page. Our needs may change as we age, as do our bodies and we need to talk about things as they happen. Learning about what is going on inside our partner’s head is impossible without this information and is devastating to a relationship over the long run. Learning to talk about the tough stuff makes talking about all of your stuff easier over time. Tell each other what you like about your sex life, what acts are more fun, what turns you both on and monitor it if it changes. You might just find some wonderful secret fantasies that might work for both of you!

Dr. Joni Frater & Esther Lastique are the founders of www.SexEdBootcamp.com and the authors of "Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets for Great Sex!"

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