How Wives Can Find Joy in the Quickie
The quickie may have gotten a bad rap over the years for lacking intimacy, but after reading this, you’ll see how it can spice up your marriage.
BY DR. DENISE J. CHARLES

BigStockPhoto Embrace the quickie to empower your sexual marriage. “ The power of the quickie is in its spontaneity and surprise. This can be heightened by what you individually try to get out of each session.”

Today, more than ever before, there is an unmistakable drive towards educating us in the fine art and science of lovemaking. After decades of underestimating the power of female sexuality, the "I Am Woman Hear Me Roar" anthem of the '60s and '70s has unleashed, for the most part, a brand of woman confident in her sexuality and far more knowledgeable about what she wants. This has not come without some effort, as we have all been exposed to the countless seminars, books and articles (present company included), which are designed to help us rev up our sex lives.

Men, the previous culprits of "wham, bam, thank you mam" sex, have been tutored and cultured in the fine art of being virtual connoisseurs of lovemaking. Sounds excellent on paper, but the reality is, that with life in the fast lane as most of us experience it, fast-food sex is probably what we’re likely to get on a regular basis. Let’s be honest, in a normal week, how many of us really have the time to roll out the rose petals, scented candles and fragrant oils? We’re likely to reserve these things for special events or weekends as we seek to grab our sex quota between the waking baby, complaining teenager and our morning coffee (sounds familiar?).

Which brings us to the inevitable quickie; with so much emphasis on long, leisurely lovemaking, do we even know how to make quick hay while the sun shines? I know many wives are wary of this idea because most of us women tend to describe ourselves sexually as slow ovens which need adequate time to heat up. But maybe there is a way to benefit from speedy sex which can still give new meaning to the phrase "you leave me breathless." Follow these tips to learn how to maximize and master the quickie.

Train Your Brain
Getting the most out of a quickie means virtually having a ready frame of mind for sex, most of the time. While for many husbands quick readiness may be a fait accompli, for most wives, it may take a literal retraining of our brains. We women have been told repeatedly that we need time to be aroused and while there may be some truth there, we need not become stuck in slow-response mode.

Since sexual readiness and sexual enjoyment literally begin in the brain, then it makes loads of sense to deliberately think sexual thoughts. Use your imagination to fantasize and think up some steamy sex scenes with your spouse. Imagine doing all those things you love to do or haven’t had a chance to try. Take a little time from your busy schedule to try this for a few minutes each day. This is like putting extra storage in your arousal bank, which makes it easier for you to enter the sex act with minimum "on-site" preparation because your sex-bank has already been in over-drive. This makes you literally ready and rearing to go at the drop of a hat.

Feel Sexy To Be Sexy
With quick sex there really is no time to whip out the sexy lingerie and those red heels with the fish net stockings in tow. Your hair may be a mess and there may have been no time to get all dolled up. So what do you do? Your ability to feel like a sex goddess has to come from within and must not be too dependent on the externals, even though admittedly they do help. Understand that your sexual power lies in how liberated and free of inhibitions you are and this starts with how you feel about yourself. Loving yourself au naturel is therefore critical to your ability to lay on the sexiness when you’re not all coiffed and curled like a model. Maybe doing some stuff around the house naked (with discretion of course) and celebrating your body in spite of its imperfections is a good way to get rid of the body consciousness that could inhibit your enjoyment of the quickie.

Think Hard, Work Hard, Play Hard
The power of the quickie is in its spontaneity and surprise. This can be heightened by what you individually try to get out of each session. Whether you’re trying to reach a climax before the baby wakes or before the pot roast comes out the oven, or trying to maximize on shower time before your toddler comes banging on the door, a quickie is a great exercise in the power of concentration. If you want to play hard at sex in record time, then it will involve every enthusiastic fiber of your being; no holds barred! But even if your husband zips off before you reach the mountain top, you can still enjoy it for what it was worth; a time to have some uninhibited fun and to get closer. Knowing that time is limited should also encourage your spouse to be more creative in how he uses his hands, mouth and penis to bring maximum pleasure in record time. More importantly, quickies should remind us women that our sexual enjoyment is really within our own power, as we too have to demonstrate that we understand how our own bodies work.

Since regular sex does serve to fuel further desire in marriage, embracing the quickie is a powerful reminder of the diversity which should define our sexual marriages.

Dr. Denise J Charles is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. She holds a doctorate degree in education and is a qualified trainer-of-trainers. Dr. Denise is Executive Director of "Better Blends Relationship Institute," a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s blog on sex can be found "here". Denise’s new book is "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain."

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