How to Seduce Your Spouse
Unsatisfied with the way you and your spouse approach sex? Use these tips to help spice things up and get the fire back.
BY DR. DENISE J. CHARLES

istockphoto Get the fire back in your marriage by laying on a few seductive moves. “ The truth is that a sexy or sexualized marriage is not necessarily one with loads of straight-up sex, but one where the sexual possibilities are always open.”

One of the fallacies of marriage, which many of us walk innocently into, is the idea of "sex on demand."

We somehow naively believe that great sex will be a natural, spontaneous outflow of our love for our spouse. Men tend to think that their marriage investment will yield endless nights of unbridled passion, while women hope that their sexual accessibility will keep their husbands permanently glued to their side.

Then the reality of marriage sets in and most of us realize that our imagined sexual utopia isn't as much within our reach as we thought. Sex becomes one of those illusive things not quite within our grasp, as we are faced with the reality of juggling responsibilities, which are anything but sexy. As a consequence, we usually end up struggling to keep our sex lives afloat.

We women are blessed with a deeply intuitive sense of how to bring a guy to heel. While this may have been used a bit unscrupulously for centuries to manipulate a man against his better judgment, wives need to know how to harness this power positively in their marriages. Whether you're a husband or wife, however, if you find yourself dissatisfied with the state of your sexual affairs, perhaps honing your skills in the art of seduction may be a great way to put the sexy back into your flagging relationship.

The Bend-Over Rule

For centuries wives have been bending over backwards in more ways than one to compromise and make adjustments in their relationships. Now is the time to take this rule to the next level. Probably one of the oldest tricks in the book, a wife needs to reconnect with the raw power of her sexuality by harnessing the power of her assets… literally. Not to complicate this procedure, she needs to remind her husband of why he found her so attractive in the first place. So after donning a sexy pair of shorts, a really short dress, mini-skirt or a sexy lingerie get-up with a thong in place, she can flaunt her body in all kinds of ways to remind her husband about what he's been missing.

The Heated Phone Call

Men love to know that their wives are sometimes the sexual aggressor. Getting all hot and heavy on the phone with your husband is a great way not only to communicate your sexual desire, but also to get him all hot and bothered. Telling him explicitly what you would love to do to him when he gets home, or being coy and suggestive with your words or text messages, is a sure fire way to pique his sexual interest.

Looks That Thrill

Everyone knows that men are largely visual and the eyes are not called the windows of the soul without reason. The eyes are powerful tools of communication and should be used by men to speak honest volumes to their wives. While some men are comfortable using their eyes in their youthful, flirtatious days when impressing the opposite sex or snagging a partner was a priority, after marriage, many lapse and tend to bury this skill. Looking lovingly at your spouse, complimenting her body, dressed or undressed, with your eyes, gazing directly or allowing your smoldering desire to be evident, should be a key feature in your seduction repertoire.

Woo Her With Words

As men are visual, women are verbal. We don't only love to speak but we love to be spoken to. A husband who longs to get it on with his wife should learn to romance her with words of love and desire. Most of us women long to know that our partner's desire for us transcends our genitals and really is about the wonderful person whom he is still smitten by. So husbands, using your own awkward words can be endearing but memorable. Alternately, you can grow lofty and poetic with a poem by Robert Burns or a simple Hallmark card may do the trick. For you men willing to go all the way, some graphic sexual language may even get you more than you bargained for. The trick is to be in-tuned with your wife's preferences and to go with the flow.

The Hands Have It

My husband is a talented chef and welder and I make no bones about communicating just how good he is with his hands. While the voice and the eyes are significant, harnessing the power of touch is a skill that neither husbands nor wives should forget. Massaging feet, temples, necks and shoulders and following with delicious butterfly kisses are great starting points for seduction. Playful tugging at breasts, butts or caressing of the legs, can also be a great way to communicate desire, when the timing is right.

Sexualizing Your Relationship

The art of seduction lies in the ability to honestly and unashamedly communicate desire, in a way that stimulates a similar desire in your partner. What makes seduction more authentic is where it reflects the general tenor of the marriage, even if sex is not happening as often as you think it should.

The truth is that a sexy or sexualized marriage is not necessarily one with loads of straight-up sex, but one where the sexual possibilities are always open. In this regard, communicating love and desire, spending time together, touching and smooching regularly and treating each other like lovers instead of room-mates, are great ways to keep the sexual tone of the marriage alive. When seduction is necessary, it becomes another way of deepening the sexual dimension of your marriage.

Dr. Denise J Charles is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. She holds a doctorate degree in education and is a qualified trainer-of-trainers. Dr. Denise is Executive Director of "Better Blends Relationship Institute," a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s blog on sex can be found "here". Denise’s new book is "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain."

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