6 Reasons Husbands Say 'No' To Sex
It's not uncommon for men to actually refuse sex. No really, it's true. Here are some of the common reasons men turn down sex.
BY DR. DENISE J. CHARLES

DepositPhoto It's true that men really do turn down sex, but it doesn't have to be a permanent issue. “ A husband, who is sensitive towards pleasing his wife sexually may experience anxiety if she repeatedly fails to climax.”

The idea that all men are raving sexual beasts who never say "no" to sex is widely accepted. Both men and women have bought into the popular notion that men are, for the most part, highly sexed. On any given day, what normal red-blooded male turns down the opportunity for sexual connection with his partner? And what exactly is up when he does this repeatedly?

Frequent rejection in the bedroom by one’s spouse is usually a cause of concern for the woman at the receiving end who will tend to blame herself. Who wants to feel undesirable, unattractive or unwanted? If your relationship is plagued by low male sexual desire or a glaring lack of interest in sexual intimacy, then an investigation into any of the following reasons is perhaps warranted.

1. Pornography and masturbation: Is your partner consumed with pornography? The easy accessibility of porn via the internet, in particular, continues to plague several relationships. While a few men may indulge their porn habit openly, many treat it like a clandestine affair. Men who abuse porn often become dependent on it for sexual arousal and this affects their interest in relational sex and sexual intimacy with a "live" partner. Additional negative effects include unrealistic sexual expectations, and boredom or a lack of interest in the spouse who may fail to measure up to what is viewed. When the obsession with pornography is accompanied by masturbation, then a man can easily become addicted to the intensity of sensation produced by his "one-man show" and can grow to prefer this over having to learn to relate to and satisfy his wife. Prolonged late night visits on the internet or phone may therefore merit some investigation if your spouse is seemingly "turned off" by you.

2. Work-related or financial stress: While nothing may be inherently wrong with stress, it is our responses to it which may be problematic. Because men tend to be less expressive than women, they often find it challenging to articulate difficult emotion. When there is significant pressure at work or a shortage in finances at home, a man can respond by turning inward with secret worry and withdrawing sexually from his partner. This may be his way of attempting to deal privately with his pain and sense of responsibility. This will require patient understanding by the woman in his life.

3. Performance anxiety: Several men seem to ascribe to the false notion that being male makes them automatic sexual experts. The belief that a man should always know exactly what to do in the bedroom can cause him to experience undue pressure, especially when his wife seems less than thrilled with his performance. A husband who is sensitive towards pleasing his wife sexually may experience anxiety if she repeatedly fails to climax. Although this may have little to do with him, he may blame himself and may prefer to play it safe by staying away from subsequent encounters. A sexually assertive wife can also scare the living daylights out of a less sexually experienced man who may prefer to "hide," than admit to his fears or sense of inadequacy.

4. Repeated relationship neglect: The failure to deal with underlying anger, bitterness or unforgiveness can eventually take its toll on sexual intimacy in marriage. A neglected relationship can become susceptible to external distractions or infidelity. While some men are able to handle sex with a spouse while cheating; for others, the guilt may cause them to disengage sexually and emotionally. Men also need more than sex to feel satisfied in marriage. Affirmation, respect from his wife and even something as basic as hugging and kissing makes a man feel both wanted and needed. The absence of such in a marriage which is perhaps aging, can inevitably lead to a lack of interest in the relationship, including the sex.

5. Physical reasons: While a few men of any age may be plagued by low testosterone, as a man ages this and other chronic diseases may negatively impact his sex life. Diabetes and hypertension may lead to erectile dysfunction, but fortunately, this is medically treatable. If a man, whether younger or older, recognizes that his erection is not "behaving" as it should, this too may cause him to withdraw sexually because of embarrassment or a fear of rejection from his partner.

6. A wife’s response: Accepting that relationship changes will affect what happens in the bedroom from time to time is critical. The challenge of any good marriage, however, is to keep the channels of communication open so that problems can be shared sensitively before they have a chance to mushroom into deeper issues which destroy sexual intimacy. Wives must be willing, therefore, to communicate their fears, concerns and needs regarding the issue of sex in a non-threatening, non-derisive manner. There is also scope for firm but loving confrontation where there are suspicions of infidelity or pornographic abuse. When a wife lovingly affirms her desire for her husband, this can be the first step towards breaking down the barriers which inhibit mutual sexual expression.

Denise J Charles is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. Doctorate in Educational Leadership (Higher Education) with High Commendation, from the University of the West Indies. Denise is Executive Director of "Better Blends Relationship Institute," a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise is also the author of "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain."

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