Sex Q&A: Bedroom Noises, Boring Sex and Scheduling
Is there anything wrong with scheduling sex? One reader's husband wants her to make noises in bed, but she doesn't feel comfortable. Dr. Trina Read has answers.
BY DR. TRINA READ

DepositPhoto Should busy couples schedule sex? The real question is, haven't you always? “ If he wants more noise, instead of moaning give him instructions.”

Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.

My husband wants me to be more noisy during sex. I don’t feel comfortable doing it.

The best sex comes from being in the moment and being yourself; so if moaning isn’t your thing then you shouldn’t force yourself.

In fact, one study showed when women are noisy during sex it can indicate she’s not enjoying herself. In this study they had 71 women participate and found their sounds peaked right before male ejaculation—even though it was the least likely time for her to orgasm.

Here are some other interesting statistics:

* 66% of the women reported making sounds just to speed up their partner’s ejaculation due to her discomfort/pain, boredom and fatigue.

* 80% of the women made noises when they knew they were not going to orgasm.

* 87% used these love making sounds to boost their partner’s self-esteem and 92% believed that it did.

Given these study results it’s important to keep perspective. Sometimes it’s good—and can be a massive turn-on—to go outside your comfort zone. Some noise, even if it’s an audible sigh, can enhance your love making experience.

Great sex tip.

If he wants more noise, instead of moaning give him instructions. Saying things like, "more," "harder," "the left," "don’t stop," will let him know what he can do to help you achieve the big O.

I’m a 35 year old married woman in a 10 year relationship and it seems like I’m having the same sex all the time. I’m not sure where to start since my husband won’t initiate any changes.

Bravo. Bringing some new ideas into the bedroom is both exhilarating and intimidating.

The good news: People tend to be more negotiable in their sex lives than they realized once the conversation gets started.

First, do something—anything—different. It doesn’t have to be a profound change; whether it’s having sex in a different room of your house, or having a regular sex date. Don’t go over board too quickly. You might fantasize about seeing yourself on video, but don’t go videotaping your sex romps until you are both ready.

What turns you on at the core? If you can’t think of anything, rent erotic videos with varying themes and see what you both respond to.

Talk about the one or two ideas that interest you both. Discussing your favorites can help you figure out where your comfort levels are (and turn you both on!).

Great sex tip.

Some changes may stick and others may not, so don’t be discouraged when you try something neither of you like. The important thing is you are making an effort to preserve the health of your sexual relationship.

We have small children, is scheduling sex a good idea? What if it's in the iPhone but you're just not in the mood when you hear the alert. Do you still have to do it? Doesn't that make it kind of a chore?

I've come to the conclusion that there really is no such thing as spontaneous sex. All sex is planned to one extent or another. Think of when you were dating (i.e., scheduling when you see each other), that's about as planned as you get.

In fact, trying to force this idea of "spontaneous sex" often turns into "feeling pounced upon" by your partner—and it does more to damage to a relationship than it does good.

When your iPhone goes off and you think "Crap, I just don’t have time," keep in mind that couples with small children need to be a lot more realistic about what sex can and should be.

When you both agree a certain time frame will be set aside for sex, many positive things come out of it. Research shows that couples who schedule sex have better sex more often. The reason is simple: busy, tired moms anticipate it's going to happen—rather than feeling pounced upon.

Great sex tip.

Spontaneous or planned, it's going to take a few minutes for you to move from mom-mode into sex goddess mode. Ten to 15 minutes of foreplay will ensure you are relaxed; having moved from your multi-tasking brain into your body.

Dr. Trina Read is a leading relationship and sexual health expert and educator; and is a best selling author, media expert, syndicated blogger, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. You can find more information at TrinaRead.com and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

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