Sexy Resolutions for the New Year
Get a jump on your sexual resolutions this year with these 5 tips.
BY DR. DENISE J. CHARLES

Alejandra Quiroz Make it a point this year to improve your sex life if you're not satisfied. “ Preparing a sexual schedule actually demonstrates that you care about this aspect of your relationship so much, that you’re unwilling to just leave it to chance.”

I’m sure we’ve all done it at this time of year. We’ve made New Year’s resolutions in the hopes that some significant area of our lives will be improved as we look towards our future. While I’ve never been a big fan of the practice, I fully endorse the underlying principle involved. Who doesn’t want a better quality of life as they anticipate the coming year? Whether it be the pursuit of a secret dream or passion, taking hold of a new financial opportunity, or like me, resolving to hit the gym; new resolutions can give us a sweet sense of direction and added motivation.

Well what about our sex lives? Are we totally satisfied with the state of our intimate love life of the past year? If I were to be totally honest with myself, I’d have to say that I am far from satisfied. Of course there might have been great moments for most of us and I’ve had my share, but there is so much more I’m looking forward to, as my husband and I walk together into the coming year.

Resolving to make our sex better can be a very valuable marriage exercise. It acknowledges that we understand we have not plateaued and affirms that we do care about improving this most vital aspect of our marriage. Instead of just talking casually about where you might like to see improvements, committing to keeping a record of sexual resolutions in a marriage journal is a great way to visualize, articulate and maintain accountability between you and your spouse on your marriage journey. While each couple is best positioned to determine what they want to achieve sexually, maybe these few ideas may help you to kick start your own sexual resolution process.

1. Carve out time for sex. While this may seem like the obvious, many of us are still seduced by those steamy movie scenes of sexual spontaneity and believe that this is the only way to have great sex. We may think that scheduling sex seems a bit unromantic and mechanistic, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Preparing a sexual schedule actually demonstrates that you care about this aspect of your relationship so much, that you’re unwilling to just leave it to chance. Because most of us lead very busy lives, prioritizing sex simply means acknowledging its importance and caring about it enough to plan our lives in a way to ensure we don’t neglect it.

2. Get more vocal about what you want. Whether we’ve been married for a while or recently got together, most of us expect that genuine romance means, always being intuitively aware of each other’s sexual needs. This is a myth in need of some serious debunking. Making a commitment to share our sexual likes and dislikes, as well as to suggest new sexual moves, is a great way to step up our sexual assertiveness. While talking it over in detail is ideal, the starting point to this vital conversation may be a brief note to your spouse, a strategically placed magazine article, book or educational video, to create a context for your discussion.

3. Rev up your sexual desire. If your sex has become ho-hum over time or your body is going through some major change, the very thought of sex may leave you with an extended yawn or a major headache. Taking responsibility for your own sexual desire and responsiveness is key. While many women, particularly, expect their husbands to "bring them to orgasm," getting in touch with your sexual responsiveness, is critical to recognizing the part you play in your own sexual climax. Since sex begins in the brain, thinking about sex with your spouse, imagining new sexual positions or playing out fantasies you would love to try with him or her in your mind, is a great place to start. Wearing a sexy get-up to bed and doing a provocative dance either alone or together may also do the trick in terms of revving up the sexual heat. The aim here is to be playful, yet totally seductive, as you take responsibility for heightening your own desire.

4. Refrain from seeing sex as an event. Resolving to bring a whole new perspective to sex can have an overarching effect on the quality of your relationship. Recognizing that building sexual intimacy is intensified though a range of activities is indeed valuable. These may include touching and kissing outside the immediate context of the sex act, mutually practicing acts of kindness, carving out time for intimate conversation, reserving time for regular dating or pursuing a Latin dance class together. While these are not direct acts of sex, they serve to add value and reinforce the sexual exclusivity, which should characterize your marriage.

5. Get fit and healthy. Sometimes we’re as sexy as we feel, literally. Stepping up our level of health and fitness could, therefore, definitely have a spin-off effect on the overall quality of our sex. Joining a gym or regularizing some form of physical activity, eating more healthy foods to boost energy levels, drinking more water or taking a vitamin regimen, can speak directly to our commitment to making our sex lives better in the new year and beyond.

Better Blends Relationship Institute," a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s book is "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain."

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