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Can’t Wait To See Your Toxic Family Over The Holidays? Didn’t Think So. Here’s How To Deal.Follow these 5 strategies to thrive during tough family gatherings.
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You can get through tough holiday visits with a gameplay prior to the visit.
“ When asked a question that you think is meant to hurt you, redirect it with a question. This is a skill and it works like a charm.”
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Not all traditions around the holidays are good ones, especially the tradition of unspoken tensions between family members, old wounds from holidays gone by, someone leaving all of the clean up to someone else and more. If you’ve become accustomed to dreading going home for the holidays, try these strategies at your next family gathering.
Decide how long you're going to stay. When you know there’s an end point you’ll be more conscious of the fact that your time with toxic family members is only temporary. This will help you stick it out, and you may find you can relax and even enjoy the limited time.
Avoid alcohol to avoid problems. You may think having a little wine makes it easier to withstand the drama, but drinking around people you don’t feel comfortable with can bring your guard down and make you more susceptible to getting into an argument or saying things you can't take back. Plus, fights fueled with alcohol can get out of hand quickly.
Go in with a good attitude. Believe it or not, you may have been contributing to past years’ holiday drama if you went into the day expecting to be mistreated. Instead, give yourself a pep talk to go in with a smile, and think of a few positive compliments to say to each family member you may come in contact with. Even if someone is toxic beyond belief, you can still find something positive to say, like "I admire the way you treat this person," or "you've got great style," or "I admire that you stay true to what feels right for you!"
Deflect toxic questions with questions. Some family members love to push your buttons, and may even thrive on it; however, you don’t have to take the bait. When asked a question that you think is meant to hurt you, redirect it with a question. This is a skill and it works like a charm. Practice with a friend before you head into the lion’s den to experiment with how quickly the topic gets changed.
Leave when you say you are going to leave. Many family fights happen towards the end of a gathering so even if you’re having a better time than usual stick to the original time you planned on leaving. Don’t get lured into a false sense of security. You'll be glad you honored your internal pact!
Breaking the pattern of toxic interactions with your family members at the holidays can be done, but it will take some strategy as well as some boundaries.
Life Coach & Relationship Counselor Jennifer Longmore, B.A.S.W., M.Ed, is the Founder of Soul Journeys, a coaching company that helps people rediscover their life’s purpose. Jennifer has conducted over 30,000 Soul Purpose Sessions, including ones with Fortune 500 executives at Microsoft, Amazon, and Disney, as well as with professional athletes from the Chicago Bulls, the L.A. Lakers and the Seattle Sounders. Longmore is the author of many books on finding your soul purpose including ""365 Wisdom Bombs;" "88 Universal Laws;"and others.
Decide how long you're going to stay. When you know there’s an end point you’ll be more conscious of the fact that your time with toxic family members is only temporary. This will help you stick it out, and you may find you can relax and even enjoy the limited time.
Avoid alcohol to avoid problems. You may think having a little wine makes it easier to withstand the drama, but drinking around people you don’t feel comfortable with can bring your guard down and make you more susceptible to getting into an argument or saying things you can't take back. Plus, fights fueled with alcohol can get out of hand quickly.
Go in with a good attitude. Believe it or not, you may have been contributing to past years’ holiday drama if you went into the day expecting to be mistreated. Instead, give yourself a pep talk to go in with a smile, and think of a few positive compliments to say to each family member you may come in contact with. Even if someone is toxic beyond belief, you can still find something positive to say, like "I admire the way you treat this person," or "you've got great style," or "I admire that you stay true to what feels right for you!"
Deflect toxic questions with questions. Some family members love to push your buttons, and may even thrive on it; however, you don’t have to take the bait. When asked a question that you think is meant to hurt you, redirect it with a question. This is a skill and it works like a charm. Practice with a friend before you head into the lion’s den to experiment with how quickly the topic gets changed.
Leave when you say you are going to leave. Many family fights happen towards the end of a gathering so even if you’re having a better time than usual stick to the original time you planned on leaving. Don’t get lured into a false sense of security. You'll be glad you honored your internal pact!
Breaking the pattern of toxic interactions with your family members at the holidays can be done, but it will take some strategy as well as some boundaries.
Life Coach & Relationship Counselor Jennifer Longmore, B.A.S.W., M.Ed, is the Founder of Soul Journeys, a coaching company that helps people rediscover their life’s purpose. Jennifer has conducted over 30,000 Soul Purpose Sessions, including ones with Fortune 500 executives at Microsoft, Amazon, and Disney, as well as with professional athletes from the Chicago Bulls, the L.A. Lakers and the Seattle Sounders. Longmore is the author of many books on finding your soul purpose including ""365 Wisdom Bombs;" "88 Universal Laws;"and others.
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