Three Love Lessons I Learned From Two Great Soulmates

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Three Love Lessons I Learned From Two Great Soulmates
A poignant reminder on Valentine’s Day.
BY MEGAN E. GREEN

Jenny Marvin
Love is a big thing that shouldn't be put in a tiny box on Valentine's Day.

“ The seeming "issues" and "personality flaws" that we observe in our Dear Ones, are not the true essence of who they are.”

Maybe this Valentine’s Day should include sending out love to those who gave us so much love—those no longer with us—in addition to candy, flowers and whatever else….

Here’s why I think so—here’s my story: Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite days of the year. Why? One of my bosses summed up the reason about 15 years ago, "Megan, you are in love with love." He was right! I have always been fascinated and intrigued with romantic love, but equally as captivated by love in general, including familial love, friendship love, and divine love. An excerpt from the Desiderata [a 1920 prose poem by American poet and attorney from Terre Haute, Indiana, Max Ehrmann] states, "Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, Love is as perennial as the grass."

My dad, Gary, gave that poem to me when I was in high school. It brought me so much peace and strength to understand that "Love is as perennial as the grass." It cannot be taken from you. (Boy, oh boy, am I called upon to learn that over and over through this journey of life.) Love is what makes everything worthwhile. Yes, often, there can be a price to pay for love, like when you lose it. In that instance it can be devastating.

Over the years, it seems we have changed the interpretation of Valentine’s Day, according to accounts of how it all started.

Valentine’s Day is often believed to have originated with a Roman who was martyred on February 14th, who became known as St. Valentine. St. Valentine was known for restoring his jailer’s daughter’s eyesight, and also for officiating over the weddings of couples to spare the husbands from the mandate to go to war by the then-emperor. However, our current tradition of Valentine’s Day, was thought to have been declared a romantic holiday in the 14th Century, by writer and poet, Geoffrey Chaucer. He wrote many poems, including Court of Love. Whatever the origin, the word Valentine, and that fateful date, has morphed into a celebration of romantic love. However, by some accounts it did not originate with romantic love, I think the true meaning of this date should be to celebrate all of our Dear Ones.

This past year, many of us experienced loss of our loved ones. I lost two. Both my dad, Gary, and my dog, Rodney passed away. As a child, my dad was my constant companion. We were inseparable, so much so, that he wrote a song which he sang to me, "Little Boss and Sergeant" with lyrics: Little Boss and Sergeant, we are best friends and we are going to be so ‘til the end.

My dog, Rodney, was my constant companion for the last seven years of my life. He traveled with me everywhere, including to many cross-country destinations: to ski trips, the beach, visits to my mom, my dad, and even my godfather, Wayne, in hospice care. Rodney even served as one of the best men in my wedding a few years ago!

I have learned the following three lessons from Gary and Rodney, which may help you, too, this Valentine’s Day:

* The great, magical feeling of love that is evoked by our Dear Ones, really originates from our own connection with the Eternal Flow of Love. The Dear One helped us to feel it, but it did not originate with the Dear One. Michael Singer explains this further in his book "The Surrender Experiment," and in his course review Living in a Place of Surrender. As Glinda the Good Witch said in the Wizard of Oz, we possess the Power/ Love within ourselves. Eckhart Tolle writes in "The Power of Now:" "Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you."

* The seeming "issues" and "personality flaws" that we observe in our Dear Ones, are not the true essence of who they are. The only real aspect of them is Love.

* Never miss an opportunity to show love to your Dear Ones. I think that Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to do this.

For Valentine’s Day, I am grateful that Gary and Rodney taught me these wise musings on "love" as this knowing is comforting, empowering and joy-filling. I hope, as you think about those you loved who are no longer with you, like me, it will brighten your day.

A song my dad and I used to sing together, which conjured great feelings of nostalgia, joy, and bliss was "In My Life" by John Lennon. This song reminded us of his dad: my Grandpa Nonie. For us, this song was a tool that allowed us to tap into the "Perennial Flow of Love" in which Nonie partook during his life and in his afterlife.

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

This Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to write out the lessons your Dear Ones taught you. Maybe you can also listen to a song celebrating those who helped shape your life, nurture your spirit, and feed your soul.

Yes, I’m suggesting that this February 14th will have a whole new meaning to you if you celebrate your Dear Ones. I know it will for me!

Megan Green is a Certified Family Law Specialist and Partner in the Family Law Department at Feinberg, Mindel, Brandt and Klein, LLP

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