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sex advice
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Lighting the Path to Orgasm 4 paths to finding orgasmic pleasure. "The pleasure of living and the pleasure of the orgasm are identical. Extreme orgasm anxiety forms the basis of the general fear of life." ~ Wilhelm Reich “The good news is that the more orgasms you have, the more orgasms you’re likely to have in the future.” Surrender Learning how to surrender to the body’s erotic knowing, rather than persisting in willful attempts to control it, builds trust in your sexual response and helps you let go of anxiety. This is really important because our brain cannot simultaneously process anxiety and sexual arousal. Surrender by definition brings us fully into the present moment, and release can only happen when we are being guided by our curiosity and open to what we are experiencing in the moment. So, giving up our ideas about how orgasm should happen, not to mention the fears about whether it will or will not, is the first gate to awakening to our erotic path. Solo Practice Not surprisingly, many people have considerably more success achieving orgasm alone than with their partner, which is why masturbation is such a worthy practice. The better you get at honing your own orgasmic capacity, the easier it is to share them with someone you love. Think of developing your capacity for orgasm as a potent form of meditation. The more comfortable you become with your own body, understanding the mysterious triggers that ignite pleasure, the more easily you can surrender to the moments you share with someone else. Previous efforts to connect are rewired to an ease in slipping back into what your body already knows. Masturbation teaches us how to focus our attention inward where orgasmic potential begins. “Being able to hold onto someone you love from the inside feels both strong and sexy.” Bodies in Motion Bodies are built for motion. Nowhere is this more helpful than in the pursuit of our orgasmic potential. Although this may seem like stating the obvious, it is not a small percentage of people who tense up and stop moving in the context of sexual activity. There is way more than hip thrusting to experiment with. Try experimenting with moving your limbs, rolling your neck and stretching your torso while you explore each other’s bodies. This is why new or never-tried positions can trigger arousal points that you didn’t know you had. Wanting to understand and experience more of your orgasmic potential is also a great reason to try and fit in a little bit of core strengthening exercises into your life. Being able to hold onto someone you love from the inside feels both strong and sexy. Breathe It is impossible to not notice the fast, heavy breathing after orgasm, but many don’t realize how becoming aware of your breath early in foreplay can focus our path to orgasm like nothing else. Whether you tend towards long and slow breaths or short, fast inhalations, stop and notice how your breathing affects your connection to your body, your lover, and your orgasmic possibilities. Try changing your breathing pattern and see how that changes the experience. Better still, communicate with your partner and work on synchronizing your breathing with your movements together. This is an ancient Tantric technique that is remarkably simple, yet offers profound depth on the path to orgasm. Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family. In her new book, "Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy," she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice. It has been called "the essential guide for relationships." The book is available on ebook. Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13-23 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. |
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